Like everyone else, I am ready to put 2020 in the rearview mirror and take off as fast as possible in the opposite direction. The last year was...interesting...to say the least! Now that I'm looking back instead of being in the middle of it, I realize that I learned some stuff about myself.
Way back when I first got into fitness, I wanted to get strong. I wanted to be able to do simple things, like a straight leg push-up. I remember the first time I just plopped on the floor and pounded out 10 push-ups while working with a client. It was really cool to be able to do a push-up without struggling! the client being super impressed was a nice bonus, but I digress.
My goal for working out was always to get strong. A nice bonus was that I started to like how I looked. I've never had a very positive body image- which is why I LOVE the #bodypositive movement. My hips are too wide, my legs are too thick, my arms aren't toned enough...blah blah blah...The only part of my body that I liked were my abs- but I found fault in that area too!
I know, I know- ridiculous!!! To start healing my relationship with my body I focused on training to do things-like a sprint triathlon. I worked really hard performance- not to win- just to be able to participate without dying. That was my strategy for accepting myself as is.
Well- it sort of worked...
Fast Forward 25 years to the year that made us all "face our @#$%". For many of us the pandemic brought up a lot of unresolved issues. What came to the surface for me was my issue with my body image.
Over the past year I watched my body change from something that I was ok with- I've never been proud of my physique, but it was physique was "good enough". Being in the fitness industry can be a bit rough at times. I don't look like a fitness model- never have, never will. I don't look like any of the "typical" body types- I'm not Yoga, I'm not Pilates, I'm just me with my wide hips and fat knees (yes- this is what I see).
However, in spite of how much I preached about working out to feel good instead of "look good" I had become really attached to my toned physique.
I had become a hypocrite. I wasn't practicing what I was preaching. Here I am telling everyone to "work with what you got" and "acceptance is the first step" yet I was holding onto to this belief- that I was not enough if I didn't look a certain way.
Over the past year I have lost a ton of muscle, my hormones have changed, and if I'm being truly honest-I've been eating way too much CRAP (carbonated beverages, processed foods, artificial sweeteners, refined sugar). My body has changed. I'm used to not having to be too strict or regimented and still looking pretty decent. That's not true anymore- I can't get away with that. So I'm facing a choice. I can continue to torture myself, or I can let go of this ridiculous attachment of "how a fitness profession SHOULD look".
I should be celebrating that I'm coming out of 2020 with only a little extra padding. Instead I'm berating myself because I don't look like some airbrushed fitness model. Every time I post a video, that mean girl voice in my head is saying all kinds of nasty things, things that aren't kind, aren't true, and aren't necessary and that I would NEVER say to anyone else.
It's time for me to practice what I preach. I workout to feel good, not to look good. Yes- it has been nice to have a certain physique that comes with hard work, but I think it's time to let that attachment go. To be honest, I've needed to let go of this attachment for a long time ago.
What does that mean for me? I don't know yet. I don't know what it looks like. I do know that in terms of how I move my body it means more Pilates, Yoga, and Barre (I flippin LOVE Barre! Crazy!). Those workouts make me feel good.
That's what Fitbreaks are all about- making us feel good. It's time to start moving our bodies because it makes up feel good. I'm leading the charge! A Fitbreak a day keeps the doctor away!
Let's flip that script and start working out because it makes us feel good!
Need a place to get started? Join my 5 day Fitbreak challenge- 5 Fitbreaks in 5 days to help you build that habit of moving everyday.
EZ Fit in 10- we do what we can!